He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
