Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
