Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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