I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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