if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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