If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
