and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
