I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
