Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
