i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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