OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
