You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
