...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
