Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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