I feel like abortions should bother me more
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
