My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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