i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
