Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We need to get me chipped asap
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
