I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My life is pants optional.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
