Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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