It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
