i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
