You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You took a bar mat shot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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