The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
