We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
