I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
