I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
