Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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