Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
