Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
