Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
