Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
