Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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