i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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