He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
