im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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