I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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