I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
