There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i now understand why vodka
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize