i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
