I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
