Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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