I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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