Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
