Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
