is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
