It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
