I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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