i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
