i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
