Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
