I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
