So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
