I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
