I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
